When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
