the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize