My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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