Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
