Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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