My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
