he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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