i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
