this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
