i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
