I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
