giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize