Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
this is an emotional support booty call
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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