I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You should frame my arrest warrant.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
