Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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