i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
