i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
