ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
