shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
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