Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
