I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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