about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize