I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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