I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
