I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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