Apparently you make a good broom.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
