I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
