I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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