They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
