I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
