If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
