my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think I won the penis lottery.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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