just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
