wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize