My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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