What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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