dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Houston, we have a blender
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
