hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
