Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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