I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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