if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
