Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
