What a fucking waste of an outfit
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
