thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
