I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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