Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
