how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
