My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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