i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
