3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
