I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
