break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
