I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
