This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
