your parents love me but you hate me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
