ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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