you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
