Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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