this just has baby written all over it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
