Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
