So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
