His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
