Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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