Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i now understand why vodka
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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