we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
