The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
