Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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