we're chasing vodka with high fives
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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