Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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