He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
