That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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