im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
