Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
